Pain

Some mornings I have difficulties putting socks and shoes on.  Most people don't know that.

Some days I can hardly bare standing long enough to take a shower.  Most people don't know that.

Some days I find it difficult to bend at the waist to pick something light up.  Most people don't know that.

Most days, in the back of my mind I wonder if I'm going to start hurting in my hips and legs before I can get home and lay down.  No one knows that, until now.

I try so hard to fight through the pain without the aid of meds.  Mind over matter they say.  Maybe it was all those times I had nurses, doctors and surgeons look me in the eyes and tell me it's not real.

It is very real.

Some days I wake up and wonder if I'm going to be able to focus on my work and projects.  Most people don't know that.

I try my hardest, even when the pain is crushing, to hide the fact that I am having pain.

I don't want differential treatment.

They said I would be able to live a regular and normal life.

But it happens.  Shit happens.

It's not that I'm too proud to admit that I have pain.  I'm afraid to burden those around me.

But when does not admitting it to those around me begin to take a toll on me?