Striving for a Better ME

Last night my Ma and I were talking about school.  I had spent the majority of yesterday morning at the main campus of my college sorting paperwork and schedules out for the coming fall term.  We were looking at my transcripts and Ma said "as long as you keep passing, it'll be fine."

I'm tired of just passing though.

Here's the deal; for as long as I can remember I've only ever done enough to barely get by in school.  Up until this last semester, that was true in college too.  I'm tired of saying "yeah, I passed" instead of "I scored well".

I think a lot of this has to do with how my high school operated.  It seemed that I could do very little and manage to pass a class.  I got into the habit, along with the procrastination problems I've mentioned, in just doing a little bit of the work and hoping it turns out for the best.  This way of learning has not helped one bit, and in some ways I think it's actually been the worst thing about high school looking back.  I never felt that need to excel at what I was doing because essentially I knew I would move on with a passing grade.

On the flip side, I think that some of this issue (mostly related in college coursework) has been that I was doing the wrong thing.  I enjoyed my science classes, I liked my history classes, but I love my hospitality classes.

The more that I've thought about it over the last month, I've realized that dropping out of my second semester of college was the best thing I could have done.  When I came home and got a job I felt lost.  I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing or where I was supposed to be.  The job I got at the dairy store/grill slowly showed me I was on the wrong path.  I got interested in the hospitality industry and eventually I ended up back in school studying hotel and restaurant management.

I always knew that when I followed my gut instinct that told me to leave in the middle of the semester that God had much greater plans for me.  I learned to be more open to Him and I've come a long ways from where I was at a year and a half ago.  I have found where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

That brings me back to the subject of this post, striving for a better me.  I'm tired of doing the bare minimum and with being in the hospitality industry, an industry that I have grown to love in the last year, has made me rethink my views about what I want for myself.

I know that I'll probably never be as great as Cristina Yang from Grey's but I want to be great.  I want to be great in my own way and the only way I can get there is setting myself up to succeed.

My senior English teacher's words still ring in my ears very clearly: "Do or don't do, there is no try option.  Give it your all, or nothing."