Frustration Overload

For me, it's just a fact of life that I have to deal with.  A fact I should say that I'm still learning how to deal with.  The fact is this: I will probably always have joint pain.

Normally I have very little pain.  Sometimes my knee or hips will ache if I've sat too long and haven't gotten up to walk in a while.  Other times, like when I feel a cold front start moving in my elbow and knees start aching.

Most of the time, I don't even bother taking any meds for the aches and pains because I can mentally stick it through until I'm able to go on and continue what I'm doing.

It's so frustrating though, on nights like tonight when I've had a great day and my evening is ruined with an intense pain flare.  Does it matter that I volunteered three hours bright and early this morning helping to decorate Christmas cookies for a Christmas party tomorrow? Does it matter that I spent my gift card from my great aunt Dottie buying grown up things to organize my room? Does it matter that I actually spent some time organizing when I did finally get home?

No. None of it matters because this intense pain takes over everything.

This pain is so strong that I can't just watch tv or have a conversation with my brother without being distracted for 95% of the time.

What I find the most frustrating of this pain is that it's not even in the area that I had my hip replacement.  Hell, it's not even in the same leg.  I've experienced this pain, in the same area for years before and after my surgery and I've been told it's just rerouted pain basically.  But why?

The fact that I'm probably always going to have this joint pain is a major downer.  Especially if I stop and look back at my day, I'm pretty sure that the three hours it took to frost those cookies started this evening's pain from standing so long.  Sure it was three hours and anyone would be dead tired at the end of the day, but on other days that I have this pain, I didn't spend three hours standing instead I was just doing normal stuff.

Frustration.  That's where I'm at tonight with this whole figuring out how to deal with this 'fact'.  I'm frustrated that I can't just push my way through it without having to take a pain pill because at this point a couple of ibuprofen just isn't going to cut it.  I'm frustrated that I practically have to beg my friends to keep me in a conversation on Twitter or via text to attempt to keep my mind off of the pain.

Frustration at the notion that I once thought that I was okay with probably always having this pain, when clearly tonight I know that I'm not okay with it.

It's a fight. A fight that I feel that I am ill prepared for and one that I currently feel very alone fighting.