The Calm Before the Storm

If you follow me on Twitter thanks for putting up with me you probably know that I like watching college basketball.  I have a variety of teams that I’m following this season and though I haven’t been able to catch very many games I’ve been tracking them with my handy CBS Sports app on my phone, and promptly run my battery down in the course of a game. I have been known to track an entire game covertly while being out with friends.

Here’s the thing, I don’t really know how I got into watching basketball.  I think it might have first spawned when I had my hip replaced and I was home to watch the majority of all of March Madness in 2011.  I got to watch my Kansas University Jayhawks play and then my second favorite, for no apparent reason mind you, Kentucky.  I guess that’s what started it.  Ever since I’ve enjoyed watching the game and on many, many occasions I’ve begged to have the big tv in the living room to watch a game and then get sent to the other room because I’m too loud.

Right, so what does my enjoyment of watching college basketball have to do with a storm? Well, I’m mellow right now.  I’m not talking about games from earlier in the week, or how I think the games this weekend are going to end up.  I’m not discussing how much I used to yell at Ron Baker from Wichita State University last season, though that might be because he’s so much better this year and doesn’t need me to yell at him from my side of the tv.  Sure I might be checking my phone constantly if there’s two teams playing each other that I just can’t sit idly by as they play the game, but I’m not…freaking out.

Yet.

In past years, mostly just last year, I’ve found that I get crazy around late January, early February with basketball.  We’re not that far off, folks!  It’s just around the corner and before we know it, I’m going to be live tweeting a series of games and I’m probably going to end up losing even more followers and end up in Twitter jail.  I can’t wait!

Sit Right Here

Yesterday I found out that a long time family friend, someone I've known my entire life, passed away on Tuesday.

It was one of those pieces of news that I had been expecting to hear at any moment for a few weeks now but was hoping that I wouldn't have to hear it all.  Even when you try to prepare yourself for this type of news you're never actually ready to digest it when it comes.

This is the second family friend of mine that has died this year and I say this year because they were both members at our Legion post and our year starts in April.  I've spent the majority of my life at the local Legion post and a lot of our family friends have been in my life since I was born.  How could you not know someone from the post when within 24 hours of being born my carrier was being brought through those doors?

One of the most memorable things was when John was hosting his homecoming party after being a fifth district officer and asked my mom to cook for at least 100 guests less than a week before the actual event.  We spent many hours in the kitchen at the Legion cooking for his party and he was so good natured about everything.  He was always cracking jokes and finding ways to make my mom sassy and would crack another joke just to get her riled up.  His laugh was contagious.

I also can't forget all the times that we would gather in force to decorate the post for the several functions we used to host.  A full day of decorating was both fun and hard work and John always seemed to find one way or another to make it fun for me, even at a young age.

I'm writing this while I listen to Drink a Beer by Luke Bryan, the song that made the number one spot on my 25 Songs I Couldn't Stop Listening to in 2013.

"Funny how the good ones go too soon but the good Lord knows the reasons why I guess.  Sometimes the greater plan is kinda hard to understand. Right now it don't make sense, I can't make it all make sense."

It's a difficult thing to digest. Knowing that someone who has been around all of your life and has done fantastic things to help the community, state and nation and is no longer here.

It's too early.

I always pictured our friends from the Legion being at the important things in my life, even the ones who we have lost some communication with in the past years, including John.  Several of them sent me cards and called me when I had my hip replaced and when I graduated from high school.

But then I remember a few things. For instance, I'm 19 nearly 20 years old and these people aren't going to be around for forever.  Or that John was suffering in this life and was being called home to rest with his wife.  Knowing that he's not hurting and is with his wife and friends make me a bit happier.

"So long my friend, until we meet again. I'll remember you and all the times that we used to...sit right here on the edge of this pier, and watch the sunset disappear, and drink a beer."

10 Thoughts on Turning 20

I’ll be 20 this year, in six days actually.  I realized that I would be turning 20 just about three weeks ago and when I did, I was kind of shocked.

1.      Where the hell did all the time go? I seriously thought just yesterday that I was eight and I was still on crutches.  Now I’m just a handful of days away from no longer being a teenager.  What happened?

2.      No longer a teenager? I can’t decide if I’m thrilled at that thought or terrified.

3.      Not being a teenager anymore? Like seriously, I’m going to be an adult in six days.  When did I agree to do this? If it was when I was throwing an angst fit a few years ago in high school, I take it back. I don’t wanna be a responsible grown up right now.

4.      How many times will I write 19 before I remember I’m actually 20? It took me until the middle of March to remember it wasn’t 2012 any more and that all the dates I had written since the first were wrong.  I might forget about not being 19 still until my 21^st.

5.      Turning 20 doesn’t mean that I have to give up my in car singing and dancing, does it? Because if it does, count me out! I’ll stay a teenager.

6.      I’m surprised I lasted this long. I thought someone would have shot me by now, to be honest.

7.      I know I’m only a couple years older than them, but turning 20 makes me feel really old compared to my friends still in high school.

8.      Do I get more naps?

9.      Honestly though, the last two years have flown by and I can’t believe that in six whole days I’ll be turning 20.

10.  Is it still childish to want an ice cream cake for my birthday?

Six days.  Woah.

Lessons Learned in 2013

I was going to do a “Review of 2013” type post where I list the things I did, or good memories that happened each month of the year.  As I sat down to prewrite it about a week ago I realized that I didn’t too much that was super notable.  Instead, I decided to share some lessons that 2013 taught me because if I’m 100% honest, this year wasn’t a very good one for me; just because it wasn’t a good year doesn’t mean that I didn’t learn some things, and most of those things I will remember in 2014. If not, well at least I have this post to come back to as a refresher.

Lessons Learned in 2013

In 2013 I learned that it’s worth paying extra money for good quality name brand shoes instead of the cheap ass ones you can grab at Walmart.  They not only fit better and don’t squeeze my toes in all the wrong places but have helped improve my walking and my back problems.  Red, if you’re reading this in the future, I don’t care if you need a new pair of shoes and would rather buy a pair of Walmart ones to get by until you have money to go to the mall: remember all those blisters from New Orleans in the summer of 2012? That’s what I thought.

In 2013 I learned that I don’t know how to control my spending.  Looking back, it seems that every paycheck from B’s was spent within the week and then I was kind of just hanging around waiting for the next pay day.  I was fortunate enough to not have to pay for rent or laundry or utilities or most of my food while living with my parents.  Why the hell did I spend so much? What the hell was I spending it on? Red, if you’re reading this in the future, I really hope you’ve got your shit together and are actually saving money for a new car.

I learned that “faking it until it’s real” was a morale booster on most days when it came to confidence.  Thank goodness for those long conversations with the girls after our workouts or I would have been a total wreck for most of the year.

Once again, I learned that procrastination is a bitch.

In 2013 I learned that I will probably never be artistic but it definitely helps to reduce stress.  Red, I hope you’ve never shown anyone your first art journal if you’re reading this in 2014. That’s meant to stay a secret.

In 2013 I learned to be aware of my mind and body.  This was something I had struggled with at the beginning of the year and thanks to one awesome manager at B’s, I got better at figuring out what my body was telling me and how I feeling emotionally.  If it hadn’t been for this manager, I would have overworked myself way too many days.  Or, I would have been distracted for a few days after receiving bad news about a family friend if I hadn’t learned to talk it out.  This is a lesson that I’m still constantly working on.

In 2013 I learned that the Anxiety Monster is nasty but can be mastered.  It’s a new battle every day, but the Anxiety Monster does have to hibernate for a while at some point.

I learned that negative thoughts can bring down a day and positive ones can brighten a day. 

I learned to learn from those around me.  It’s amazing the lessons I’ve taught myself just by being around certain people. I’ll never forget Deb who not only was there to talk to before, after and during work at B’s but also how much love and compassion she always had.

In 2013 I learned that I prefer to have “four quarters instead of 100 pennies” when it comes to friends.  The few close friends I have make up for all the ones that have floated in and out of my life or the ones that keep trying to make it seem like they’re always there but aren’t.

In 2013 I learned that there are people like me.  People who have Hashimoto’s disease and struggle with day to day things similar to me.  People who have had hip replacements and still live a full life even though other people tell that they shouldn’t do something or that they’ll never make it.  People who understand what it’s like to be a #spoonie.  Without the internet and finding these people, mostly through Twitter, I wouldn’t know these small tips and tricks to make things easier when I have bad day.  Nor will I have ever known some amazing people who offer such wonderful thoughts when I’m having the worst day.  Connecting with these people have helped me so much, mentally and emotionally.

I learned, again, that God has a plan that completely blows my “picture perfect plan” out of the way.  I don’t know what it is, or even if I will ever know what it is, but I’m working hard at remembering this and that I need to follow His footsteps to where He wants me to go.

I learned that I’m still hung up on some certain things in the past, things that I need to let go.  I realized this lesson not too long ago and it’s one of my goals for 2014.

In 2013 I learned to not let other people’s opinions or thoughts control me.  The hardest part of this lesson was breaking the mentality of always thinking “what if they…” and just doing what I wanted to do.

In 2013 I learned to be more open to those who matter the most.  It’s a scary thing for me, but I’m working on it.

I learned that the gym is a great place to ignore the outside world and focus on me.  I don’t know why all of these lame excuses are stopping me.  Red, if you’re reading this in 2014 or even later, you better be taking your ass to the gym at least once a week!

In 2013 I learned that God is always with me, even when I try to ignore Him.

I also learned that He forgives me for when I ignore Him.

In 2013 I learned that I can really be a bitch, but that’s not the only thing that defines me.  I’m tired of acting like I’m a bad ass bitch all the time.  In many ways, I’m the kitten that’s trying to act like a pit bull.

I learned in 2013 that I have a really fricking hard time committing to things.  I’m just thankful that I’m fully aware of this problem and focusing on fixing it.

In 2013 I learned that doing what I have to do isn’t always fun, but it’s needed.  Procrastination doesn’t help this one either.

In 2013 I learned that pink is okay.

I learned that some adults twice my age are way more dramatic and childish than I am. I’m just happy it’s not my problem to worry about.

In 2013 I learned it’s okay to say no.  It’s okay to say no if I’m not feeling well but I get invited to go out to dinner.  Or, if someone wants to hang out but my body is far too sluggish.  It’s okay to say no when I have too many things to work on that’s due soon. 

In 2013 I learned that in the grand scheme of things, my problems are small but that doesn’t mean they aren’t important.

I learned that though I love to read, I can’t always finish a book and that I need to stop forcing myself to finish one I can’t get into.  “Read the best books first or you may not have a chance to read them at all.” – Henry Thoreau

In 2013 I learned that music will always be there to lift my spirits.  Sometimes I just need to put in the headphones, turn the music up loud and cry until I feel better.

In 2013 I learned that my best friend is a phone call away and that I need to utilize it! I don’t know why I got into my head that I’m just a bother to my bestie when I really need to talk to her about things.  She’s always there.

I learned that sometimes a curse word gets the emphasis across but not always needed in every conversation.   Also that I don’t need to fill my Tweets with this nonsense.  Definitely working on this…

I learned to not worry about acting like a fool but to just have fun.  Club Rodeo was a good experience and definitely made me loosen up quite a bit.

In 2013 I learned that I need to focus on the important things and if my hobbies start stressing me out I need to rethink and step away for a while.  I don’t know how it took me so long to learn this lesson.  A good example of this for future Red reading is when you feel like rping with your Harry Potter friends its okay to not get super involved in it.  You’ll just get stressed out because you had to miss a few days because of IRL stuff and then you get anxious. Just take a step back, relax and rethink. 

In 2013 I learned that it will be okay.  Everything will work out one way or another. Just breathe and let God work.